Pizza Drive-through

There are no darn Pizza Drive-Throughs in this city! Of all foods! You have the burger and chinese joints, tacos and donuts stands, but no pizza! What is better to eat at 1 in the morning after 2 bogus parties with no appetizing food to nibble on and one hell of an identity crisis... Pizza! And drive throughs are crucial b/c who wants to get out of the car and be seen in public buying a greasy, cheesy pepperoni pizza all decked out in high fashion and make-up alone at 1am? Especially when you claim to be vegan! But lately this vegan experiment is slowly becoming my Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hide moment...during the day I am good with the no cheese and meat but lately these nights have brought out the 'animal' in me.
It all started with me getting the news that I will be attending 3 different parties in Malibu. One being at Greta Garbos' old mansion, the other being at a restaurant opening, and the last one being at a producers' loft. That all sounded great, but I had been running errands all day in the valley dressed for a funky night consisting of one party and possibly dinner after. If I had known I was going to all these 'fancy' parties then I would definitely have dressed differently. So I was in a bind...should I go home to change into a more appealing outfit and be very late or should I take my chances in Ross and Macy's to find a new outfit? I decided to create my outfit in the spur of the moment and dive into Macy's! In that huge store, I loaded up my arm with all different styles of clothes, so much that I loss circulation. I then begged the woman to get me a dressing room where I polluted it with my ravenous attempt to find the perfect outfit... on top of that, an outfit that hopefully matched my red heals and black jewelry.
I soon began to realize that it was not only impossible to find an outfit in panic mode, especially one that matches red shoes, but it was ridiculous to even attempt. So I quickly got my original clothes on, popped the boobs out, and fluffed the hair, as I took a deep and said in the mirror, "I look and feel great!" (hoping and trying to believe myself).
I snuck out of the dressing room, dodging the poor girl who works there because I felt so bad for her help and my lack of purchases. I ran to my car and found myself in the lovely weekend traffic on my way to the first party. At this point I am already late but decide to pump myself up by listening to my Arabic music and dreaming of me in Egypt belling dancing on a Sphinx.
I arrived at this gorgeous mansion on the ocean in Malibu and as I walked down the stairs, I slowly began to smile with wide eyes realizing the laid back atmosphere I was entering. Of course, I was the dressiest one there and the only one wearing heals! My guest compliments how I look and I respond, "OH thank you, but if you only knew... now where is the wine!" We mingled there for a while and then headed onto the next party... I was constantly laughing at my idiotic panic over my attire as the night and casual people progressed. Everyone was dressed very simple and looked pretty normal. I was expecting Martin Scorcessi in a suit talking in the corner and Nicole Richie all decked out fainting at the buffet table at these parties and instead I got normal full figured, nice group of people.
The night ended late and I started to make my long trek home. A few emotional topics were discussed over the last glass of wine, which set the tone for my hour drive back. And which of course made me yearn for food. But in LA food is not available after 12 unless you go to Von's.; which is completely out of the question. If only there was a Pizza Drive-Through open! I looked at every corner and even searched for it in my GPS but could not find anything. Finally I got the great idea of going to Westwood. College kids know how to eat late and I was ready to eat! I found it; New York Pizza by the slice, perfect! So, I illegally parked and walked by the Middle Eastern restaurants where all the men howled at me as I passed. I smiled and blew off their compliments b/c I was on a self destruction or indulgent misison..call it what ever you want to call it ,for me it is indulgently self destructive! I order my pizza and had a lovely conversation with the chef. Awaiting the pizza to pop out of the oven, my attention was drawn to this woman eating alone in the corner. She was in her mid 40's and a little on the chunky side, but she was happily sitting alone devouring her pizza. I got mine to go so I could hide it in my car and fill my long drive with tasty treats. As I was walking back, I just so happen to pass this cookie parlor that was bright with lights and packed with people. I snap, "Nope!", and keep walking for about 3 steps as my body unconsiously turned around and like a possessed doll I walked right into the parlor. "Hell, I'm eating pizza at 1 am why not have cookies and ice cream, too"? I figured. Damn the gods for they did not have peanut butter cookies, so I settled for choc chip walnut with cookies and cream ice cream. As I was paying, I looked over my shoulder and who did I see behind me? That woman in the pizza restaurant. We smile at each other and she says," Some night, huh"? I nervously chuckle and force a smile with uncomfortably wide and scared eyes and say," uh huh..its been one hell of a day" She nods as if she understands, I get my huge ice-cream cookie sandwich, place it on top of my hot pizza box and walk away again like a guilty child who just stole from the cookie jar. I decided to sit outside and watch the action as I gnawed on my cheesy pizza... and guess who sat next to me, slurping up her ice cream? The pizza woman. I tried to avoid her as much as possible and I also tried to avoid eye contact with anyone passing me b/c I was not in the mood to talk and not in the mood to listen. I finished my pizza, got back into my car and headed back on the long drive home as I ate that ice cream like it was the last meal of my life! Even licking the cup it was placed in and loving every bite. When it was all gone, I was left with 20 minutes of driving in my car filled with the worst gas and mental indigestion. But it sure was a fun, little, self destructive indulgent adventure that left my life a little more colorful than if I had simply found a pizza drive-through.